Beat Bullying... WARNING show pictures of some vile language!!!!


Hi beauties,
Hope you are all well and good I didnt realise how long it was since I last posted! Todays post is going to be on something very close to my heart and something that I am hoping to raise as much awareness on as I possibly can! At school I was bullied to the point of near death and today at 21 years of age I am still trying to get my head around what happened. For a long time I put it all away (in my head and all the paperwork from it) as I couldnt face it, I dont know if I didnt want to believe that it happened or if I just couldnt face it either way it was a good couple of years before I took a real look at everything that happened. When I first looked back at it I felt sick, I had put everything in a little box in my mind and sent it away, I was in denial I didnt want to believe that I was the 'one that got bullied at school' I never wanted that label, I so desperatly wanted to be 'cool' and part of the 'in crowd'. The bullying left me broken, depressed and not wanting to fight for life any more. I was left with no self esteem and founditnsuper hard to make friends.  I was lost, didnt know what my purpose was, didnt think that it could get any worse but didnt think it was ever going to get better. But now at 21 I realise the bullying made me stronger, more determined, more understanding and looking back I actually wouldnt change it. I am hoping by telling you a little of my stroy, what I did and how I coped you (if you are experiencing bullying) can get through the bullying and bad times or help someone who is getting bullied get through it!
So after the huge introduction I willmtell you a little of my story...
When I was 15 I was bullied at school by some of my closest friends, it started out as a silly argument and went on to them speading rumours and calling me names, at first I thought it would pass over but it didnt! The more time went on the worse it got, the more people got involved, people I didnt know were making threats to me and writing vile stuff all over the internet.
Here is a couple of things that were said ...

I was called everything, I was fatty fatty frog eye for a long time, I was also anphibian  (excuse my spelling). I was pushed about and had things thrown at me in class aswell as all the sly digs I had every day. My torture didnt end at school, when I came home it was online and at one point through the phone. I just couldnt get away, I even had things thrown at my house. I felt so low, school refused to help and the police said they wouldnt do anything because it was too much work and it wasnt racist abuse... CRaZY! 


This went on for months and months, I didnt know what to do or where to turn. Luckily my mum knew all about it and took me to the doctors, they were reluctant to do anything and I ended up going privately to counselling. The counselling helped a little but didnt really work for me, the only time I felt counselling was really making a difference was when I went to the voluntary service. I had an amazing counsellor who really understood my situation and helped me loads. Eventhough I was having counselling I was still in a very bad way, I didnt want to do anything I just wanted to fall asleep and wake up when it was all over. 


At some point I dont know when I decided that I was not going to let the bullies beat me and I was not going to let them keep making me feel so bad! My family helped me find a new determination to do well and keep fighting. I stayed at home alot and worked on getting my GCSE's I kept thinking if I can get my GCSE's I will get away from the bullies! I worked so hard and came out with A's B's and a C. I thought everything was getting better but when I got to sixth form I realised how hard it was going to be, I had no confidence and hated been sat in a room with a group of people. I made some friends at sixth firm but it was so hard, I wasnt used to groups of nice people, I thought that everyone thought the same of me so I was constantly waiting for someone to say something or do something to me. I struggled to complete sixth form, through out the whole time I was having some form of psychotherapy. Once I left things got bad, I would sit and pull on my hair, scratch myself and attempt to hurt myself. It was at this point my mum took me to the doctors for anti depressants but he refused to give them to me. I was finally referred to a consultant psychiatrist (i had to pay for this) and was given anti depressants. I know some people do not agree with these but for me oersonally these are the only thing that was left to try and I can not imagine where I woukd have been without them. Once on my anti depressants things started to look up. I still had bad days but I was coping loads better, I went to beauty college and found this to be like my therapy. I set up my own small beauty business and decided from there I would use the bullying to make me more determined and stronger. I started to realise that not everyone hated me and wanted to hurt me. I tried to look at the bad stuff and turn it in to good... 
Because I was bullied at school I missed out on all the girly sleepovers, shopping trips and wild parties but ... 
I went to India two years running to work with slum children and orphans 


I can safely say this is one of the best things that has come out of been bullied, it was the best thing I have ever done! I went on my own and met friends there, I had felt so low when I was bullied I didnt think things could be worse so I just went. From this I realised I can cope, I am good at things and people do appreciate me for who I am. It was a massive journey and I am currently still bobbing along on it but I can say I am proud that I beat the bullies... I now laugh and say I am a geek so what, I am proud that I am interested in what I am and I enjoy doing what I do. I am now pursuing studies to do clinical and forensic psychology, something that I wouldnt have thought about if I hadnt have been bullied. I still have really bad days and I think I will for the for as far as I can see but I just have to remember I have loads to live for and I am so much stronger than before and if I can get through been bullied I can get through anything. I would do anything I can to help those going though bullying and now openly admit to suffering with depression and post traumatic stress disorder due to been bullied. And when I look back at things like this... 


 It just makes me so determined to be successful in what I do. Bullying has changed my whole outlook in life. It has made me fearless in doing certain things, I was in such a bad way at school that I now I take everyday as it comes and jump in to things and give it a good go! Bullying is such a vile thing and if I thought my niece or little cousins were bullied it would break my heart, I wouldnt want anyone to suffer bullying. I know there will always be bullying but more needs to be done to stop it. Schools, social networking and police need to realise it is a very real issue and that they need to be part of stopping it. There also needs to be more punishment for those who do bully, if they get away withit they will do it agian. I was super lucky that I had such a supportive family to help me through, my story could have ended in such a different way. I survived and now will do anything I can to help people who are bullied. Its wrong and needs to STOP!!!!!!!!
Now at 21 I have an amazing group of friends, mostly new and some old and I am happy and content. I still miss out on the little things like remembering with  people what we used to do when we was small and all those wild holidays that I didnt have but I just try and turn it round. If you are getting bullied please please please seek help, I know its hard no authority believed me or helped me but pleasep dont give up. I know its easy to not carry on but remeber you are always appreciated by people out there! I am taking oartin a documentary in the UK to hlep beat bullying and will do anything else I can to help! If any of you have twitter please follow ...
beatbullying12
anti_bullying12
abcholmes
antibullyingpro
These are all trying to help beat bullying!
I will be back with my next post on fasion and makeup but I thought this was important to highlight the effects of bullying to give my support!
I hope you are all well and good... and stay strong (i have this tattoo on my ribs)
Love&&Hugs
Samantha Louise XX


8 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for your ordeal. I totally get you though, Ive dealt with insults and personal attacks regarding how I look which made me lose a lot of confidence. You have such a fantastic attitude now and a really positive outlook, you should be so proud of yourself :)Bullies are just vile. I will never understand how someone can think its acceptable to treat another person in such a way. Its really upsetting.

    helen @ Justaddicingandsprinkles.blogspot.co.uk

    xxx

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  2. Hi Samantha,

    Thanks for sharing your story. You are obviously a very honest, clever and articulate young girl. Which is more than can be said for those that made your life hell for a short period. I say a short period as I can see by reading your post that you've come out the other side strong, happy and determined.

    You often find a lot of bullying stems from the bullies own insecurity and jealousy - as hard as it may seem I hope somehow you can see that the fact these people willingly spent so much of their insignificant little lives to make you the highlight of their conversation and at the forefront of their tiny little minds is very telling...

    You only have to ready the atrocious spelling and grammatical errors to realise these scumbags won't amount to much.

    If I was you I'd take pleasure in deleting all the screen shots of their nasty, unjustified words and look forward to bumping into them in 10, 20, or maybe even 30 years times when you're the one who has succeed. I bet you anything they won't have amounted to anything at all...

    Keep the smile on your BEAUTIFUL face!

    Jen xx
    http://kitsch-n-sync.blogspot.com

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  3. Hi make sure to check out beatbullying website and chat to one of the cybor mentors if you need to. I am a cybor mentor on there and would happily chat to you on their or you can email me :)

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  4. Love you Samantha Cave :) ive never seen the messages before, i'm sat here in tears. Think my mum needs to make me a cuppa now xxxxxx

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  5. Hi Samantha,

    Thank you so much for this post. I hope that posts like this will make people stop and think about their actions. I went through something similar at school and, like you, I was deeply affected by it. I'm still affected by depression and an eating disorder today, which I think was caused by my bullying. Although I have tried to get on with my life, it's still hard, and that's why I've found this post so inspiring. I'd love to see the documentary when you've done it, so keep us all updated here!

    Your such an inspiration and Im so happy that you've done so well for yourself despite everything

    Becca x

    I'd love it if you took a look at my blog and entered my international giveaway here!: RebeccaRuby - A lifestyle blog

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  6. Thank you all lovelies for your support! It's so nice to hear from people who understand and can empathise with my situation! Thank you all so much it means a lot to me! Xxxcccc

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  7. It was so brave of you to share such an horrid ordeal! Reading those comments make me feel sick, that people actually would put someone through that! Can I say you are an inspiration to anyone who has or is being bullied and I admire what you do. May I also point out you are beautiful, and I am not just saying that. I know many girls out that would love to have your beautiful looks. (I most certainly would anyway). Your eyes are most gorgeous! I know what it feels like to have people try and bring you down, and drawing positives from the situation is the best solution!

    - Kira xx

    obsessionlacquer.blogspot.co.uk

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  8. Sam..I've just caught a small part of the jodie Marsh bullying programme and heard what you went through at school...I truly am an eye's man, it's the first thing I notice in a woman, so I had to look you up and tell you that you have the most beautiful eye's I have ever seen...the eye's truly have it and I could drown in your's forever!!

    ReplyDelete

 

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